Our competitors in cloud hosting offer extreme reliability. But, this extreme reliablity comes at an extreme cost. Not every business needs consistent uptime, and UGO II meets this need with Bobby Web Services. BWS guarantees single nine uptime: works 9% of the time, guaranteed.
An offshoot of UGO II's music streaming research, the Chirp™ Death Ray uses concentrated sound to kill at long range by vibrating the atoms in the target's skull out of alignment with the skeleton. A satellite-based version due for launch soon could theoretically kill any person in the Western Hemisphere. As an added feature, the Chirp™ Death Ray also transfers nineteen bytes per second at low power, allowing coupon distribution directly into the minds of consumers all over North America.
This innovation takes advantage of the highly social nature of crabs to form the first organic transatlantic telecommunication network. One advantage over conventional digital networks is the natural protection that crabs offer against wiretappers.
It's a common complaint: Stricter post-9/11 TSA regulations make it harder and harder to bring snacks aboard a flight. Never fear, UGO II has invented the pho suitcase: a specially designed watertight piece of luggage that can hold 20 liters of pho. What's more: it's fully TSA approved. (When pho is used, alternate soups have not received TSA approval.)
Sometimes, mistakes are the greatest generators of innovation. After a clerical error resulted in a UGO II research project assigned to "scum" software, the result was the world's premier software for management of scum of all kinds. Whether it's pond, soap, or criminal, UGO's scumware will ensure scum stays where you want it.
The UGO II team has used in-house software to achieve a whopping 1215% increase in scrum duration and a 99% increase in scrum engagement. For a small licensing fee, the same software suite is available to all scrum leaders who wish to take the art of scrum to the next level. Trials are available for small teams upon request.
Squids kill seven million Americans every year. For three years, the Pentagon has listed squids as the number three national security threat, below domestic terrorism and obesity. UGO II humbly offers the anti-squid suit, a weapon to strike back against those who would use their tentacles to threaten our way of life.
Soviet Query Language (SQL) takes the Soviet expertise in economic management and human rights and applies it to database software. All rows return the same value, and sorting is disabled, since that would imply inequality.
At the UGO II Supercomputing Division, 74% of all compute time is spent sorting arrays of integers. It's this pressing need that was the genesis of Stalin Sort, an algorithm that simply removes unsorted items. This produces an unparalleled speed boost. Contact UGO II Licensing for terms.
At UGO II, we firmly believe in freedom of speech, which is why we're so disappointed that American society continues to frown upon those who distribute the Unabomber manifesto. UGO II has pledged to defeat censorship by custom engraving the Unabomber's immortal words onto AirPods and distributing them, one pair at a time.